I started writing a post tonight and it felt like every sentence I wrote brought up another memory or bullshit situation.
Long story short and spoiler alert: my future was stolen from me and some crucial development seriously delayed because of my mother’s fear of me becoming independent and whatever shame or pressure that would bring from the rest of the relatives I lived with growig up.
It wasn’t necessarily about me rising above anyone it’s that they wanted to keep me down with them.
Opportunities were taken and I was treated like an ignorant child way too long. I will try to not let scope creep take over the post and it end up being thousands of words but this is definitely not a quick and easy post but I do think it’s something that needs to be said if nothing else for my own mental health and sanity.
Maybe all of the past events have something to do with why I had to literally yell at my mother to get on the plane a couple days before my wedding and why it’s been over 3 1/2 years since she’s seen her only grandchild.
One disturbing thing that is becoming clearer to me as I work through and process things is I’m not sure how important I am or ever was to my mother or the rest of my extended family.
Actions speak louder and some of the stuff that happened was deafening.